I Feel Like Crap - Updated

Yeah, despite yesterday's lingering euphoria, I feel like shit. No, I'm not hungover; I don't do hangovers. I feel crappy because I'd totally forgotten an engagement I'd promised to attend and double-booked my Saturday evening! ARGHHHH. I was supposed to meet up with Kizzy and Nick P. in London to catch up and say goodbye; I'd already moved our rendezvous from Friday to Saturday and now I think I'm going to have to totally cancel it. ARGHHHHH again!

Back in July, Nick had invited me to the end of season American football party. I'd said yes and then completely forgot about it because I hadn't write it down. Sometimes my magnificent memory utterly fails me and I'm so annoyed that I hadn't remembered. Nick had already reserved spaces for us and paid for it, and I can't cancel it. And I can't meet Kizzy on Sunday, either, because she's at work all day and I fly that night. I'm out of time!!

I feel like a fucking heel. Shit. *Sigh*

Rant update:
So someone agrees with me that I am a fucking heel. Take a look at the comment:

Anonymous said...
Sorry you feel like crap, and yes you are a fucking heel. It would appear that your amazing memory has only reminded you to make time to see and say goodbye to your most important friends. As Im clearly not included in this privledged group, I'll just say goodbye and have a very safe trip back home now.
11:31 PM

First of all, you don't have the balls to tell me who you are because you commented under 'anonymous'. Those who know me know that if they are pissed off at me, they can damn well tell it to my face because I appreciate it and respect that. So you've got something on your chest about me? Get it off your chest and tell it to my face! If you want to insult me but don't have the guts to do it to my face and will only say shit behind my back...THAT annoys me the most. I have a tendency to write off anonymous comment-ers anyway.

Second of all, you're not sorry I feel like crap so don't say you are; if you really were sorry, you'd try to make me feel better.

Third of all, there is no such 'priviledged group'. If there were such a thing in my circle of friends, then my best friends would obviously be amongst them. Oh but wait, have I seen Tony and Jude to say goodbye? No. Therefore, there is no 'priviledged group' for if there were, I'd have been down to Bristol by now.

Fourth of all, do you, anonymous, know how busy my life has been since I've finished work? Sure it may not seem like it and I may never say, 'Oh God, I'm so busy!' but just because I don't bitch about it doesn't mean it isn't the way it is. It's not the big things that take up all my time but the little things, the small errands, random tasks and loose ends, that occupy my days. 2 weeks is not a helluva lot of time to try and wrap up my life here, especially when I am waiting on a paycheck my first week. Oh, wait, you're saying I did have money because I got my bonus check? What you didn't know is that half the money went to my plane ticket out of this country and the other half went to my American account to pay bills, so actually, I didn't have that much extra money. Granted, I did spend several days at the Barracks with Raven but that's because he was good enough to help me save a bit of money - I didn't have to pay for anything on base and because it's all dirt cheap, he wouldn't be accruing much of a bill anyway - and to entertain me while I sat on my ass and waited to be paid.

Now back to this so-called 'priviledged group' of friends...Flick, Kim, Helen, Kat and Sophie? I went up to Hull especially because I explicitly promised Flick I would the day after the ball. It also killed 5 birds with 1 stone...or 9 birds since I saw Phil, Jess, Clare and Baby Heather, too. Besides Flick, no one's actually bothered to visit me. Sure Nick P. came up for a night but that was literally one night since he was gone by noon the next day. Yeah, I know we're all busy people but if I was that important, you'd have made an effort. Don't force me to show you the meaning of my 'most important friends' because you'll just end up getting upset and you'll say something about me behind my back or anonymously and that'll just really annoy me all over again.

Therefore, I essentially had one week to get everything I need to do done. Tony and Jude - best friends, mind you - were alright that I couldn't come down to see them. They're sad but they understand and know that I will visit when I'm back. As for the friends I'm seeing here before I leave...well they live in the same city as me. I do as much as I can and that's all I can do.

Anyway, the bottomline is you, anonymous, has me seriously doubting our 'friendship' if you can't even say something as simple as "you're a jerk" to my face. I am saddened by this. If I had a friendship hierarchy, you'd have dropped to a pretty low rung. I think I have a fair idea of who you may be and it actually makes me sick. This is so sad that I don't even want to think too hard on who you are, to try and figure out your identity myself. After high school, I thought we - my friends, my peers and myself - had grown out of this kind of drama and learned to be upfront and honest with each other, but I guess not. Okay, rant over (I think).